Bad sign.
It was the buffer zone between mental states, as much procrastination as ablution, allowing time to prepare for the higher alertness that was imminently demanded, or as often merely the opportunity not to think about if for a few more minutes. There were times when she wished she could remain in that protective stasis, specifically that first moment when she turned and let the warm water flow through her hair and down her back.
Even when she was pretending otherwise - lying, denying -- this was the place where she couldn't take hide from herself, the place where she would also get found out...
by knowing that when the shower started feeling like a refuge and she wished it was a suspended animation facility, it meant she was suffering from a psychological condition referred to in the medical journals as " all fucked up". "
Feeling fucked up.
Sigh. And its NOT just about studies.
