Thanks for screwing me up, mum.
You will never know how it feels to be completely distraught knowing that your very own kin will just never seem to support you in whatever you do. You abide by her wishes, she picks on the most nitty-gritty details she can ever find. You sleep early, she nags that you are tiring yourself too much. You sleep late, she says that you are just always torturing yourself, & gets you to drop the very idea of looking for her when you fall sick. As if you ever do seek her help when you fall sick. Or how horrible you will feel when you are on the phone conversing with three other friends, discussing a serious matter & trying the utmost best to rush out a proposal, after a really late & mentally drenching day in school ... & there she goes on & on & on about her nonsensical logic that you've been hearing for years, raising her voice to the ultimate high & stirring up the feelings of my dad, & sinking you into your worst mental state of mind. Plus, the ripping off of the internet modem when you are still rushing the proposal out, making references to those placed online. And how she claims you are simply just too preoccupied in your own little world, when she's just so preoccupied with her contentions of her perfect daughter. And yes, how disgusting she always thinks your discreet telephone conversations are with your boyfriend whom you've been hanging out with after school & hence the late nights. All in all, she just doesn't trust you AT ALL.
You will never know how it feels like to so panicky that your body system just sinks into huge denial, that you find yourself waking up at 3.30 am thinking that its 5.30am, rush to bathe & prepare yourself for the day & to walk out of the bathroom, realising that the clock just struck 4.00am. You head back to bed, in your contacts, & hair all wet, with that terrible headache & try to get another forty winks. But you end up oversleeping & waking up terribly late, like 6.20am. You down the morning fruit juice drink, rush out of the house, walking with the fastest pace your feet can carry you to the Mrt Station & remembering to top-up the EZ link card value with the ATM card (simply cause you haven't been receiving cash for transport). And you realise your card's transactions' been transferred out. If it wasn't for the five dollar note left in the wallet, which coincidentally happens to be the only cash amount left for the week, you probably wouldn't have been able to reach school, at all. Perhaps, the journey could have been possible by bus, but at 6.40am, in Yishun, would you have even thought about taking the bus? You arrive school in the hastiest deamour, half hoping that everything bad would be over. But the worst is yet to come.
The attitude of your fellow committee member, this very one that the whole committee has been trying to help. And yet, you are just subdued by his over-ego-ness, self-centredness, criticism, big-headedness, when he absoutely has nothing much to show off. Yes, you do agree, he has good looks, but you and the others know that is just about what he has. He slams you down with whatever absurd matters he can think of, slamming all those mistakes that he would certainly have made if he was given the job, even when he had resumed that certain position when the office started out. And after slamming, you would just love to thrust that fist of yours into bigheaded-ness, because after slamming, comes self-praise. Oh no no, his self-praise for HIMSELF. Oh please. You reek in disgust, but there's seriously nothing you can do, just to nod along & sigh away in disgust & disappoint. He just never seems to learn. And then you realised all the terrible stuffs you could have done well. And that the meeting was alright, just that it was really disturbing to see the same big-headed FREAK show off his commanding tone & speaking as though his ideas were the best. Yeah right. If he is so freaking smart, do everything himself lahh! "I came up with this, I came up with that." As though the ideas were THAT so original. Oh please, just bunches of cliche ideas used & used & overused ever since civilisation? And so what if its your ideas? In terms of getting the ultimate product, the execution matters more. And what the f*ck is he doing? Slamming everything, shoving every other duty out of his scope, simply cause he is just the ********** I/C, so he basically just plans & treats everything like its his bloody own ideas, oh, and oh so perfect ones, when there's so much flaws within with mere scrutiny.
To that sickening HIM, he had better get off your back, before you get nasty. And when you mean nasty, you really meant NASTY. With his limited pool of friends, that is just so much you can do! ROAR*
Then again, there's always little pleasures in life you're contented with. Like your friends in the class, the friends from your secondary school .... the classmates, Emily, ShuMin, Hui Xiang, Fauwaz, Huazy, Caiwen, Ngern et cetera who just simply put the smile back onto the face & gives you that very pat on the back or hug or aid which is just exactly what you just really need.
