changes. forlorn friend forgoes familarity. foreigner equivalent. unease. mistrust. misunderstand. unforgiving. competitive. paranoid. tension rising within. fond memories. washed. or perhaps. things are just. never going to be the same. not the same. not anymore. home. what home. state of unrest. sister. bitchiness. not of tease. but of true ravenging. beast-like. behaviour. animal. like. freaking bitch. suck up. hypocrite. bias. biasness. parents. unfair. the evil good. physical fights. childish. bitch. foul mouth. hurtful thrusts. dagger stabs. ass hole. crying deamour. farked up den. parents pissed off. bias steps in. victim assured of unharm. but only for the time being. soon. bias. reeks. bitch at hand. gets victory over misdeeds. always. and forever. karma? doesnt seem to work in here. reality sucks. yes. this is my home. my life. how sickeningly subtle.
yupps. i am in depression. i guess?
Had rehearsals today. Did a full-run. Still am not getting that acting bit in me back, I feel. Sighs. Even fell asleep backstage whilst waiting for scene. Just tired. Really tired. Still, I do enjoy spending time with the rest of the cast. Think they are a really wonderful bunch of people. Always so jovial, always so supporting ... really love them alot. Still, there are definitely things that puzzles me beyond. Like how awkard it has been to see a long old friend seem so far away. And it took me so long to realise. And that of which, is a really sad scenario. And like how some people will actually go on & on & rattle on to others totally of no relevance to the production. & how the person is so totally not focused on what the jobscope is. Aiyah crap lah.
Then like how sucky my time management has become. And how I actually, always, almost let my hormones take over me. How those raging PMS modules always do come after me.
And how I always conveniently forget that I am a Year Two already & should do some decent mugging, but yet always end up getting involved in activities out there & ending up being damn shagged? Like fuck.
And how it always seems so easy to run away from problems. And still continue to run away from it even when you know how bad the thing has become. Some great big loser you are, alyssa. I care not what others tell me. I care not. Do I? But cant stand the fact of what I do think of, do consider when I self reflect. The various eeking thoughts. YUCKS i hate me
